When accepting a wedding invitation, it’s generally understood that you’ll comply with a customary code of behaviour with regard to wedding etiquette. Here’s a short list of the key ones you should know:
Replying by the RSVP Date
RSVP literally means “repondez s’il plait”, from the French, meaning “respond if it pleases you”. In practice, it really means “please respond”.
When given an RSVP date, it’s good manners to confirm your attendance by this date. It allows the couple inviting you to their wedding to finalise such things as table seating and catering and may also allow them to invite others who were not part of the first round of invitations to attend in your place.
No children
Where your invitation specifies “no children”, it is not OK to ask if yours could be made an exception. It’s possible you’ll be advised that one or more babysitters have been arranged to look after children during the ceremony and/or reception. It’s more likely, however, that you’ll need to make your own arrangements if you wish to attend. Here’s a link to an earlier blog I wrote about children attending weddings.
Dress code
This is often included with invitations and can vary from smart casual, themed (think Star Wars, super heroes, beach etc), right through to black tie. It may also be restricted to one or more colours such as black & gold. If white is not specifically stated, it’s fair to say that you should NOT wear white to a wedding. If you Google the venue where the wedding will be held, you should be able to gauge your choice of attire accordingly.
Arriving before the ceremony start time
Some invitations will state a time range for arrival such as 2.30pm for a 3pm ceremony. If, however, the invitation states 3pm, you should definitely arrive BEFORE this time. This allows you time to mingle with other guests before the bride arrives. Anything from 5 to 30 minutes beforehand works well. Each wedding day comprises many different elements. In most cases, a timeline will have been devised to enable all the important things to be included. If a ceremony starts half an hour or more late, it upsets the schedule and either something will be left out or less time will be spent on other things on the list.
Plus ones
If your invitation states +1, you are free to accept on behalf of your significant other or a friend. If your name only is on the invitation, only you should turn up. If you’ve been in a relationship with someone for a significant time, it’s likely that you’ll receive an invitation that includes this person. Similarly, if you are currently single or have only been in a relationship with someone for a matter of a month or two, it would not be out of order for you to receive an invitation with only your name on it.
Unplugged ceremony
If the couple has specifically requested an unplugged ceremony, you should respect that and put your phones and cameras aside for this part of the celebration. You will, usually, be free to take candid photos during the rest of the wedding. Keep in mind, unless given permission, it’s unwise to post photos of the wedding party to social media before the couple has had a chance to do so. They’re likely to want to post sneak peeks from their professional photographer first. Here’s a link to an earlier blog I wrote about on this topic.
Drink responsibly
Even if you won’t be driving, it’s always wise to keep an eye on your alcohol intake. Being drunk at someone’s wedding is not something to encourage. You can always have a soft drink between each alcoholic drink or stick to something like light beer to reduce your alcohol intake. Arranging a designated driver beforehand or an Uber is a smart move too.
Gifts
Here, it’s best to follow any instructions given by the couple. If they’ve been living together for some years, they probably don’t need any more household items and won’t appreciate mismatched linen/kitchenware etc. as gifts. Some couples will provide details of a wedding register; others prefer to have cash to spend on their honeymoon or to put towards a house deposit.
If you follow these wedding etiquette rules, you’ll have a head start at being a welcome guest at any wedding or special occasion.
114 – 31/07/2024