The question of where should you stand at your wedding can be controversial. Like everything else though, your decision should reflect the way you and your partner feel about it.
Standing together, to one side, looking across to your celebrant
This can work well if you’re having an intimate elopement as the theatre of having a wedding ceremony in front of a group of family and friends is not an issue. An elopement is all about 5 people … the couple, the celebrant and their two witnesses. For this set up, the couple stand side-by-side, both facing their celebrant who will be standing a few feet away. It means they’re kind of in a semi-circle with the two witnesses standing close by, in the middle, looking on. This set up is all about togetherness but it does mean you’re not looking at your partner for most of the ceremony, so it may not be for everyone.
During COVID, this set up was an obvious choice as maintaining distance between people was a strict requirement. I actually felt, though, there wasn’t as close a connection between the couple and me during the ceremony as I was unable to guide them with softly spoken directions across the distance.
Facing each other, with your celebrant standing at the end or several steps in front of the wedding party
This option allows you to face each other during the ceremony (or even face your family and friends) but means that your celebrant is some distance away. They could be positioned several steps in front of one side of the wedding party (groomsmen or bridesmaids) or at one end of the wedding party. Again, it creates a distance between the couple and the celebrant so it may feel that you’re not as supported as you’d like.
Facing each other, with your celebrant standing between you, but one step back
This is the way, traditionally, that couples stand during their ceremony. Generally, the groom will stand to the left of the celebrant (as they face family and friends.) If there is a best man and groomsmen, they will stand to the groom’s left. The bride, when she arrives, will stand one step forward to the celebrant’s right. If there is a maid of honour and bridesmaids, they will stand to the celebrant’s right.
If the bride walks down the aisle with someone (often her father), I always ask her to walk down on the left hand side so she’ll end up on the same side as the girls. As they approach, I ask the groom to take one step forward to meet them, then shake hands with the father or other chosen person before they leave to join other family members. The bride and groom then turn to face one another, meaning they are now one step forward and on either side of me.
A number of couples over the years have expressed that they’re not comfortable with public speaking (check out my earlier blog on this topic.) This, then, is a perfect way to face your partner and not feel overwhelmed by having a sea of family and friends looking at you. In my ceremonies, this set up also allows me to speak to you quietly at various times during the ceremony without anyone hearing what is said. I always check to ensure you’re ready for the ceremony to begin, to ask you to pass your bouquet to your maid of honour or to hold out your left hand when your partner is about to place a ring on it. Many couples tell me they feel like the three of us are in a little bubble and that they really appreciated the support I was giving them by being close by. I love that couples can have eye contact throughout the ceremony and, of course, hold hands if they wish.
The important thing to note is that, as your celebrant, I always want you to feel calm. As we get into the ceremony, though, you will inevitably relax and I’ll be able to step away at various times e.g. when you’re saying your vows and when you share your first kiss as a married couple. For this reason, there will definitely be opportunities for photos to be taken without me being in the frame!
Having a rehearsal
Of course, if you’re still not sure, a rehearsal in the lead up to your wedding can put your mind at rest regarding where to stand in relation to your partner and your celebrant. Your photographer will be able to work with whatever set up you choose so, whichever one you go with, the whole idea is for things to look seamless and for you to feel comfortable during the ceremony.
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So, when the question of where should you stand at your wedding is raised, my advice is to make sure you feel relaxed with the positions you choose so that you feel the magic of the moment.
125 ~ 31/08/2025
© Lindy Cooke Celebrant